"Love is like a door knob that I’ve mistaken for a shower handle, and I’m trying to turn up the heat on our relationship, but the handle won’t turn and I’ve got shampoo in my eyes and my wetsuit is dry and I started crying just as the zookeeper asked me to leave."
"I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neither one of us knew it at the time because she hadn’t arrived yet."
"My answer is nope, so don’t even hope."
"I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendously proud, considering Caesar is the guy who burned down the Library of Alexandria."
"With my career I want to either make something or make an impact. Writers both make something, and make an impact."
"When it comes to Schopenhauer, I think I need a To-Go box."