More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"The first door in the hall leads to youth, the second door leads to middle age, and the third door leads to the bathroom. But knock first, because I think grandpa’s in there."
"His shelf. Good. Noodle dust. Decaying brain collecting dust. Must insert it back in skull—what was I thinking?"
"When someone looks at something they don’t understand and they say, “That could be a good thing, or that could be a bad thing,” they’re just highlighting the fact that they have no clue what they are talking about. Everything in the universe, besides God, could be a good or bad thing."
"Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers."
"Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper while “decorating” my ex girlfriend’s front yard."