More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"I have all the things I need to succeed in life, including a bucket of unicorn urine."
"I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit."
"She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to."
"I’m up for the Julius Caesar Author of the Year Award this year. I’m tremendously proud, considering Caesar is the guy who burned down the Library of Alexandria."
"There is life, and there is death, and in between there is me. Please don’t wake me up."