Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-ch... - Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"She had two lips like strawberries, and the seeds gave her kisses texture. I preferred kissing her over two scoops of vanilla ice cream."

"Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, and then later on I set out the silverware and enjoyed my dinner in silence."

"I have all the things I need to succeed in life, including a bucket of unicorn urine."

"Does Ziploc make body bags? I’ll bet the corpses would stay fresher for longer if they did."

"She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to."