"He was just a kid. He didn’t care. He was like, “I’m getting in my mom’s van and I’m going home.” I was just a kid, too. But I cared. With him gone, who was I going to play Plato and Socrates with?"
"I remember I laughed so hard I cried. But my response was half appropriate, because I was at a funeral."
"There is life, and there is death, and in between there is me. Please don’t wake me up."
"Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, and then later on I set out the silverware and enjoyed my dinner in silence."
"I put the “now” in knowledge. Well, I will put it there, probably tomorrow or tomorrow’s tomorrow."
"I have all the things I need to succeed in life, including a bucket of unicorn urine."