If you want to bend your mind, don’t use a crowbar. - Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"At the end of the universe you’ll find a door labeled “Do Not Enter.” No great mysteries are hidden there—it’s just a supplies closet."

"Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, and then later on I set out the silverware and enjoyed my dinner in silence."

"I cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the world suck a little less."

"She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to."

"I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit."