If you want to bend your mind, don’t use a crowbar. - Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"If I’m going to write a book every American will want to read, it’s got to have lots of pictures. Those pictures must also move, and all the words in the book must be spoken and available audibly for all the readers to hear as they watch."

"Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely."

"I cut an inch off of every straw I see, just to make the world suck a little less."

"I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so hard, because with all my sobbing, I ended up waking it up."

"Is there a word halfway between hello and goodbye? Because that’s the word my soul is trying to say."