"Man has two legs and chairs have four, because we were made to stand out, not sit down—or be sat on. You are your brand—you are not a piece of furniture. Well, this applies to everyone except my grandma, but she’s dead, so she really doesn’t mind being used as a coat rack."
"As the ice melted, we fell in love—slowly. I just wish the ice were in two glasses of vodka, and not surrounding our bodies."
"Midnight is Hellen-Kelleresque, so if you ask me if I’m seeing anybody, I’ll ask you what time it is. Answers are always between 12:01 AM to 11:59 PM."
"To fast track your business and become the Roger Bannister of personal branding, be a connector, accumulator, accelerator and facilitator of relationships."
"My love is powdered sunshine. Just add water. (Warning: Do NOT attempt to snort it or distribute as a healthy cocaine substitute.)"
"Necessity may be the mother of invention, but who is the father? Don’t look at me! I wore a condom."