"My advice to aspiring writers is to read more, write more, and network more. More, more, and more. Then, after you've done all that, do it some more."
"I’ll bet opening a store called Boobs and Books would increase literacy. I prefer a hands-on approach to learning."
"I just developed a gun that shoots mustaches. Sometimes a disguise can be deadly, especially if it’s your love you’re trying to camouflage."
"I’m just going to keep plugging away until I find success—or an electrical socket that works. This is the secret to gaining worldly power."
"She said love her or be tortured by her. I replied, "Torture would be less painful."She didn't realize that I'm a true romantic."
"If I fail to succeed, I have succeeded in failing."