"My advice to aspiring writers is to read more, write more, and network more. More, more, and more. Then, after you've done all that, do it some more."
"If anybody is looking to rent a dancing partner for an evening, I have one left in stock. That one is me, and I am on sale ‘til Tuesday at two."
"If you want me, you’d better hurry. Act now, supplies are limited."
"To make my meal in a box taste better, I decided to tweak the logo, rather than the ingredients."
"Never let go of a good thing without a fight. Especially if that good thing is a pair of boxing gloves."
"Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time."