Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion. - Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers."

"Husband: a man with hopes of being a lover who settles for being a provider, causing his wife to grow suspicious of her depleting jewelry box."

"Love your wife, your servant and your enemy equally, and file her credit card bills under the ‘enemy’ folder."

"Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?"

"A mother’s love: the sacred relationship of affording a nanny so as to be tolerated as a granny."