Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion. - Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life."

"The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked bodies on prime-time networks, but not nearly enough cable television on public programming."

"Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers."

"Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude."

"A mother’s love: the sacred relationship of affording a nanny so as to be tolerated as a granny."