Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion. - Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"The problem with our society is that our values aren’t in the right place. There’s an awful lot of bleeding and naked bodies on prime-time networks, but not nearly enough cable television on public programming."

"Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak."

"If you're a nobody, just imagine a lot of celebrities are in love with you. Narcissism is the best cure for attention deficit disorder."

"Love your wife, your servant and your enemy equally, and file her credit card bills under the ‘enemy’ folder."

"I don’t know the kind of person I’ll be tomorrow, but I’ll be able to look back on yesterday and ask “What was that guy’s problem?” The future is full of condescending jerks."