"I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy."
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, until it stops beating. Getting ripped out of the chest tends to have that effect."
"If I weren’t too proud, I’d boast of my exaggerated opinion of myself."
"Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion."
"A man wrapped up in himself always suffocates. But his loved ones will forever hold in their hearts the memory of that Christmas."
"I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afraid the ringmaster would banish me for unlawful carnival knowledge."