"Love leads people to become lost in their own feelings and ignore the world, so it’s no surprise their love for the world goes unrequited."
"I admire Shakespeare enormously. But since I can’t be him, I’m glad that his marriage was unhappy and he’s dead."
"Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak."
"If I weren’t too proud, I’d boast of my exaggerated opinion of myself."
"The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners."
"Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion."