Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lo... - Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait."

"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."

"I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece."

"I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones."

"If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity."