Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lo... - Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece."

"If religion is a crutch, then society is the broken foot."

"If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it."

"On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me."

"On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones."