More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting."
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."
"His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up."
"There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny."
"I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!"