More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones."
"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."
"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."
"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."
"I wouldn’t advise making a four-year commitment to eventually land an $8.00/hour job. Skip college. Read Wikipedia for free instead."