More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"He’s right-handed, so I told him to draw his self-portrait with his left hand, because it’d look so ugly it’d look realistic. Since he’s a DC politician, I figured a little reality was needed in his life."
"Everything I’ve learned about handshakes is from hands-on experience. Due to hygiene, I only network with rubber glove manufacturers."
"Losing your mind is preferable to losing your woman, because if you lose your woman you will also lose your mind, and then you’re left with nothing."
"I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife."
"I don’t want my love with her to wither like grapes on a vine, so I’ll water it with romance to turn it into wine."