More quotes by Groucho Marx

"If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today."
"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."