More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."
"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."
"If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it."
"A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait."
"I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job."