More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."
"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."
"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."
"Question for your life: If Socrates had a clone, would he advise that clone to know thy self, or to know myself, with myself in this case being himself?"