More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me."
"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."
"I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece."
"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."
"I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone."