His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always... - Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"A stationary bike is a device that epitomizes the phrase “hurry up and wait."

"I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion."

"I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep."

"If you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct that guy and steal his identity."

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."