"Reading a book is like having the ability to dip a straw into the author’s soul and sip and slurp without lowering the water table of wisdom."
"I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a book, but how many homonyms are there for meow?"
"What’s the opposite of start? Would the average person think stop or finish? The answer may reflect the difference between a winner and a loser."
"Faith: a device of the mind, fed by the soul, that functions like crutches to a man in a wheelchair."
"The bad news is the butcher’s dead. The good news is there’ll be no need for a funeral, and I’ve got enough meat to last for weeks."
"More people are leaving TV behind to read my books than ever before. In the last year alone I gained over two readers (three, to be exact). So I’d like to take a moment and say thanks mom, dad, and kidnap victim I keep chained in the basement."