More quotes by Steven Wright

"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."
"I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote"so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."