More quotes by Steven Wright

"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"
"You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor."
"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."
"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography."
"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."