More quotes by Steven Wright

"If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?"
"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?"
"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."