More quotes by Steven Wright

"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died."
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
"Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for."
"Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?"
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."