More quotes by Steven Wright

"Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?"
"Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram."
"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography."
"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done."