More quotes by Steven Wright

"I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"
"I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it."