More quotes by George Carlin

"In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem."
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood."
"I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up."
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."