More quotes by George Carlin

"Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes."
"Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure."
"Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck"
"I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker."
"I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it."