More quotes by George Carlin

"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept."
"That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."
"There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords."
"Meow” means “woof” in cat."
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."