Respect doesn’t have to be shiny. It just needs to be wearab... - Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

"Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of the moon!"

"Would women find vampires even sexier and more romantic if instead of fangs they had rose thorns? It’s thoughts like these I think of when digging in my garden, looking for my one true love (If only I could remember where I buried her!)."

"I had a missed call. It’s probably the all you can eat buffet calling to say, “Come back! We know you can eat just a little bit more."

"If we make it out of this alive, I’ll kill you. So you have that to look forward to."

"I removed all the doors to our love, so you can’t lock yourself away from me. But I didn’t stop there. I also replaced the doors with metal detectors, so I could fondle you more efficiently, like the highly trained professionals do who run airport security."