"She has a sly smile, and eyes that seem to see my essence as they explore my soul and implore my spirit to enter her. I look at her and I see love."
"Your love story, I don’t want to give away the ending, but both you and your lover die."
"Love is like whoa! Actually, it's closer to woe."
"Love has a certain weightlessness to it, much as my meaty penis would on the moon."
"You and I have a love so secret that not even you know about it. But first, let me introduce myself."
"My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!"