"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."
"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."
"Asking me if I’m in love is like asking a mortician if now is the best time to die."
"She has a sly smile, and eyes that seem to see my essence as they explore my soul and implore my spirit to enter her. I look at her and I see love."
"My love is rare, like a hornless unicorn."
"I wrote an edible cookbook. The pages are made out of tortillas. It’s also the Book of Love. (Batteries and hot sauce sold separately.)"