"She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love."
"When I make love, I make extra, and then I keep it in my pants pockets. Well, not all of it. I give an inappropriate amount to the tax collectors."
"You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down."
"Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise."
"I both made the knife-fighting team, and I got cut. If only love were so easy to understand."
"I make love like the 13th floor is the 14th floor of a hotel. I give it that little extra that takes it to a whole new level."