"She has a sly smile, and eyes that seem to see my essence as they explore my soul and implore my spirit to enter her. I look at her and I see love."
"It’s me and you, or me and knitting. Don’t make me choose. Ugh, #love."
"Love is the science of reducing your sound while upping the amplitude of another person."
"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."
"The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you."
"If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?"