"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."
"Two empty chairs are not a good use of space. Fill them up with love."
"Asking me if I’m in love is like asking a mortician if now is the best time to die."
"I am the broth of love. Make soup to me."
"She called it a slap, but I called it a high-five to my face. Love is so encouraging!"
"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."