"Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door."
"I'm a big believer than a great bit is a great bit - if I go and see someone I love, like Robert Klein. I want to hear some classics and some new stuff. But a great stand-up bit takes a long time to really polish and perfect, and they're beautiful things when they're done."
"It s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
"If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"
"To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving."
"Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it."