"Sometimes I sit for hours just thinking, wondering what the man upstairs is trying to tell me. Yesterday I reached the conclusion that he was saying, “Get me a slinky."
"Even a fool recognizes that there is great sadness in a bucket of tears. But only a wise man thinks to conserve water and use that bucket to wash his car."
"I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman."
"Not only am I thinking about getting a nose job, but I’m also trying to get employment for the rest of my face."
"Sometimes I sit for hours just thinking, wondering what the man upstairs is trying to tell me. Yesterday I reached the conclusion that he was saying, “Get me a slinky."
"In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench."