"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."
"She called it a slap, but I called it a high-five to my face. Love is so encouraging!"
"She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter."
"Love speaks to the heart like a mime to a mute."
"I run like I walk—only slower. And I make love like a one-man circus show."
"In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense."