"Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be stairs."
"The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you."
"A crate full of discreet would appear to be empty. But it’s not. It’s full of my love for you."
"I’m always the last in love by exactly one person."
"If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?"
"I spray-paint my underwear gold, because it makes me feel like a winner. When two people are in love, one is always in second place."