"Why take the stairs when someone else can take them for you? Love is like a flight of stairs—somebody’s going to take them, so I may as well be unselfish and take the elevator."
"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."
"In a bookstore you can find me in the romance section, because I’m not a lover, I’m a reader."
"Me: On time. Love: Late. Death: Early. Seriously, why are you late?"
"I run like I walk—only slower. And I make love like a one-man circus show."
"We made love like two folding lawn chairs. We were both motionless, but the possibility of movement permeated the moment."