Telephone pole wires get in the way of great photos. Communi... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"I loved her as long as a midget. It was gruesome, and then I grew some."

"He rose like heroes, and I rose like rows of red roses. Love grows wherever you plant it, so I try to farm it wherever I go."

"I don’t want my love with her to wither like grapes on a vine, so I’ll water it with romance to turn it into wine."

"If I were hairy, would you vacuum my chest before we made love? I’d probably have enough chip crumbs in it to feed the homeless, because I’m a charitable kind of guy."

"You don’t need to have a fight before great sex. I can keep my cool and still bring the heat every time."