"The first door in the hall leads to youth, the second door leads to middle age, and the third door leads to the bathroom. But knock first, because I think grandpa’s in there."
"When your family dies, that’s a bummer, but that’s life. When my family dies, it’s a tragedy and the world is unbalanced and biased."
"She had two lips like strawberries, and the seeds gave her kisses texture. I preferred kissing her over two scoops of vanilla ice cream."
"A farm is a business, and I ran mine into the ground. The next year it grew back."
"Sexcess—it’s about sex in excess and success all rolled up into one sweaty ball."
"Last year, millions of students didn’t graduate from high school. They didn’t drop out, they were simply in elementary and middle schools."