"There’s truth in only having a bicycle seat. I used to skip class and just hold it out in the hallway. When teachers would ask me what I was doing, I’d hold it up and say, “Sorry I’m late."
"As much as I would love to know what you know, I’d much rather eat your brain with a spoon."
"In my laboratory, I use science to measure love. Whatever you do, don’t drink out of beaker number two."
"At the end of the universe you’ll find a door labeled “Do Not Enter.” No great mysteries are hidden there—it’s just a supplies closet."
"Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, and then later on I set out the silverware and enjoyed my dinner in silence."
"When it comes to Schopenhauer, I think I need a To-Go box."