"The love of my life has made me the happiest man ever. This ever-smiling man/mannequin is so happy because he’s got no brain, and in this way is identical to anyone who still rah-rahs for either a Republican or a Democrat."
"The heart is man’s treasure, and that’s why it’s locked in a cage of ribs with only one key. The key isn’t metal or material—it’s the feeling of love."
"My hands will get dirty holding your rose-shaped heart, because love is like gardening—it’s earthy and takes work to keep it alive."
"I just bought a bag of potato-chip-flavored air. I also bought a bed, but sleep wasn’t included. Thank God a cup of coffee is full of wakefulness."
"I can sell you wine and I can sell you flowers, but I can't sell you romance, because that comes from your heart, and it's free."
"I know half, and I know two guys who each know half of half, so together we’re altogether. Let this be a lesson in networking."