More quotes by Jon Stewart

"Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people."
"The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith."
"Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake."
"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."
"Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car."