More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I will never buy a fish tank, because I don't believe in supporting the funding of aquatic war machines."
"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."
"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."
"If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt."
"I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her."