More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."
"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."
"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."