More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."
"If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt."
"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."
"I will never buy a fish tank, because I don't believe in supporting the funding of aquatic war machines."
"In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated."