More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."
"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."
"To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle."
"When I was a little boy, I used to work in a sweatshop. We made deodorant."