More quotes by George Carlin

"In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem."
"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood."
"That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."
"He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly."
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."