More quotes by George Carlin

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?"
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
"How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies."