The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is n... - Mark Twain

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog."

"If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed."

"The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's."

"A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory."

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."