Mark Twain

"Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

"Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident."

"No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session."

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know."

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live."

"A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar."

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."

"I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead."

"I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."

"Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

"The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's."

"Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary."

"I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!"