Mark Twain

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

"Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else."

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

"Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty."

"The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also."

"If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed."

"What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey."

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce."

"No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session."

"Humor is mankind's greatest blessing."

"Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

"When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain."

"You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help?"

"A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory."

"Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge."

"A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat."

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."