The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a f... - Mark Twain

"What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey."

"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."

"In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing."

"Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident."

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."