More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"If you want to steal my heart, you must realize it's not a one-time heist. This theft will take every minute of the rest of your life."
"I would argue that unless the two people are in love, all sex is bad sex, because why eat cotton candy when you can have edible clouds? Sure, it seems sweet at the time, but that’s just a carnival and carnal rush and wears off quickly. But love adds an extra dimension that takes an earthy thing like sex and makes it absolutely heavenly."
"His name was Tom Tombstone, and if he had a middle name it was probably Death. But I didn’t call him Tom, or even Mr. Tombstone, because he introduced himself as Robert Winston. And I wondered how this stranger could shake my hand, look me in the eye, smile, and expect me to believe such a bold-faced lie?"
"I’m 33, and an 18-year-old girl called me old. I said, “You may be temporarily young, but you’ll forever be childish.” Then I put gum in her hair."
"Silver is an investment. It’s like a second-place future. Makes me want to create Michael Phelps-flavored ice cream and eat a whole tub."