More quotes by Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

"My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house."
— Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands Read More
"My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for."
— Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands Read More